{poetry} | back burner.

I wrote some free verse during the sad boi hours yesterday. I had to wait a while to post it ’til I wasn’t feeling it quite as hard anymore.

Lately, I’ve been working on letting people in and asking for help. This has never been easy for me. (I’m my enneagram 2 self loooooves giving help but hates asking for it because I. hate. to. be. a. bother!!!) A friend called me out on it today, asking me if that’s how I like living my life. Of course it’s not, but I’m still trying to figure out how to stop waving through this window and actually asking for help. The world is so much bigger than my problems, but that doesn’t make them completely invalid. (So when do I bug others with them?)

Anyway. Here’s a peek inside my brain.

///

back burner.

i’m the girl behind the glass

watching people laugh as they skip

from stepping stone to stepping stone

myself simply standing

i’m the girl in the wings

waiting for a cue that never comes

others saying lines that elicit reactions and applause

myself simply silent

faces turned up in wonder at the

bright balloons of their aspirations

clutched tightly in their perfect fingers

mine deflated, popped at my feet

“i need them more than they need me,”

the reason i can’t just rid them of myself like

my aching, torn heart demands

i don’t know how to pour from an empty cup

and i don’t want to

but i don’t know how to ask to be filled

i have a one-way radio

that occasionally crackles to life without my doing

but mostly remains void

myself simply aching

so here i stand

on the back burner of my own life

others always before me

and i don’t know how to move

4 thoughts on “{poetry} | back burner.

  1. Wow… girl I can relate! I’m a 2 as well and I almost find it impossible to ask for help. I was never sure if it was pride or personality or both. I’m still not sure.

    • Pride runs in my family, so it would make sense, but on top of being raised to never ask for help, I just don’t want to bother anyone, esp if I know that they’re going through a rough time as well.

      • Yes, I agree. Most of the time I hate to bother people with anything to do about my “needs” so I’ll cry by myself and work it out by myself and always put on my brave face – even for those nearest me. I think it’s part of my make up as a people pleaser. I have this whole “I can take care of myself so that no one else has to” mindset. Thankfully that means I have always relied heavily on God in all my difficult circumstances because he was always someone I COULD tell. But sometimes I worry how hard it will be when I need to get help from other people.

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