on moving out.

It should come as no surprise to any of you that I’m a sentimental piece of crap. You should all know me well enough by now to have guessed that. (I mean, just look at my Year in Review posts, how many years running?)

So it figures that this week has been hard.

I’m moving out. Have I talked about that here yet? I know I’ve written two posts hinting at it that will probably stay in my drafts, but if I haven’t mentioned it yet in a post that was actually published, there you go.

It snuck up on me, to be completely honest. I said something at the beginning of the year about having no clue whatsoever about what 2019 would hold. Then, literally eleven days into the year, a Facebook post summoned a series of events that can only be God’s orchestration.

Now here we are, four days away from when I’ll leave my parents’ house. (Finally.)

To say it’s been scary is the understatement of the year. I can’t even begin to add up the amount of conversations I’ve had, articles I’ve read, and panic attacks I’ve suffered through to get here. I’ve swallowed every bit of advice from friends, mentors, and family members about how to take the plunge and what to do as I free-fall.

The thing keeping me grounded is this immense feeling of peace surrounding the whole thing (which, again, is only God). I knew from the second I stepped into the apartment that it was the right decision. I’ve totally lost it several times since then, but I keep coming back to the peace.

Maybe it’s the peace that’s gotten me through the last few weeks. The last family meals, the last hugs from my crying baby sister, the last movie nights, the last daily pre- and post-work rituals. I’m going to miss every inch of my life here in my little basement apartment in my parents’ house.

However, I keep telling my sentimental self that these aren’t true “lasts.” I’ll watch movies with my family again. I’ll have dinner with them again. We’ll set up for parties together again. It just won’t look the same. And that freaks the living daylights out of me because I’ve never been one for change. If I had my way, I’d stay here forever.

But I know that’s not healthy and I know I’ll be unhappy and I know it’s not even remotely possible. I know this is right and I know this is the next step. No matter how hard it gets or how broke I become or how quickly I ask to move back in once my lease is up, this, right now, is the right decision.

Because I’ll be moving out by myself (and my cat!!!), you may see less or you may see more of me. I’m not sure what it’s going to look like. (I’m not sure about what anything is going to look like.) All I ask is that you bear with me over the next few months as I strike out on my own and figure out what it means to be independent.

Thanks for sticking with me this far. Onward.

6 thoughts on “on moving out.

  1. I stumbled upon this post because I’m moving out to a new city for my job for the first time and I feel all sorts of emotions. I’m excited, have looked at all the possibly cool things I can do and places I can go buy it also means leaving my parents behind and that’s just a very sad thought. Enough to make all 3 of us cry every time.
    Most of my worries are for my mom because I’m a single child and she’s a housewife. She will now have to figure out stuff without me and that worries me the most. Also, figuring everything out. But reading this has given me some confidence.

    Thanks and sorry for the babble.

    • it’s honestly been the best thing i’ve ever done with my life & i’m so excited for the future. you’ll hate parts of it (like leaving your parents) but the growth that happens is just astounding. you’ll do great!!! 💚

  2. Wow. That sounds really scary and intense. (#frightenedintroverthere)

    But I know you can handle it. And I wish you alllll the best things. ❤

    YOU HAVE A CAT.

    SEND PICS.

    (I'm low-key obsessed with cats ever since we got one a few months ago.)

    • It honestly is but I’m finding myself rising to the challenge and it’s been pretty incredible (along with being pretty scary). Thank you, dear!

      YES. I’ll send pics! I love cats so v much. I’m thinking of getting another one lol.

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