why i took off my purity ring.

{inspired by this post, and partially by this one}

{The reason I’m writing this post isn’t because I love controversy – and this post hopefully won’t be super controversial.  I just want to write about things that matter, rather than about movies or books all the time.  (Although I’ll probably be back on Friday with my thoughts on Captain America: Civil War.)  This matters to me, and this is what I’ve been thinking about lately, so here I am.}

photo (3)

here’s the picture of my ring that i couldn’t add last night bc wordpress was being stupid.  isn’t it gorgeous?

If you’re a conservative, homeschooling Christian, there’s a 98% chance you’ve heard of purity rings – and there’s a 76% chance you’re wearing one right now.  Even if you’re not, there’s a 62% chance you know what they are.  (And those percentages are all accurate.  Even if I made them up. *wink*)

I grew up learning about purity.  I read all the books.  I participated in all the Bible studies.  I signed the paper (and I’m pretty sure I even gave it to my dad).  I didn’t get the ring for my thirteenth birthday because my mom forgot, so I got it for my sixteenth.

By the time I was twelve, I knew all about saving myself for marriage.  (At least, I thought I did.)  I swore I’d never kiss before marriage, never get into a relationship that wasn’t destined for marriage, and that I’d probably never date, either.

I’m still sticking to those commitments (except maybe the dating one – we’re a little fuzzy on what courtship looks like around here, especially as my siblings and I are getting older).  I have no intention of starting a more-than-casual relationship with a guy unless I’m pretty sure he’s a possibility.  I’m going to save my first kiss for my wedding day (and everything after that too).

But I’m done hiding behind my purity ring.  I’m done with the legalism and I’m done with the completely unbiblical stereotypes it puts on me.

Maybe it’s just me, but the purity ring thing always made me think differently about people.  When I was younger, I would subconsciously judge someone based on whether or not they had one.  If they did, fantastic – they’re pure.  If they didn’t, well… they had some learning to do.  (After all, how could you claim to keep yourself pure for marriage and not wear a purity ring?  GOSH.)  And if a guy wore it… WOW.  Hashtag marriage material, amiright???  (I knew guys whose mother forbid them from wearing them because rings were too feminine.  My sister and I walked away from that question wondering how wedding rings were different… and how wearing a ring deprived a man of his masculinity.)

When I consider how I used to think, it makes me laugh – and shudder a little.  I was a really judgmental teenager.  (Oh if only I could go back and give my teenage self a good talk – and a slap across the face!)

I’m not a perfect person.  I haven’t done everything right in my relationships with guys.  I’ve made quite a few mistakes.  Not purity-shattering mistakes, but things I still cringe over and issues I wish I’d handled differently.

It wasn’t until last year that I started thinking really about my purity ring.  I usually wore it on my left hand, but I switched it to my right for a conference (so none of the guys would think that I was married or engaged or whatever).

That’s what got me thinking about what it really meant.  I asked myself over and over, Why did I do that?  Am I looking for attention from guys?  Am I wanting to proclaim to the world that I’m pure, but I’m available?  (*wink*)

Let me tell you something I’ve learned: Those are all bad reasons.  It should say something that one of the first things I thought was that taking off my purity ring would encourage guys or bring unwanted attention to myself.

My desire to remain pure is mainly between me and God – and my future husband.

I’m not saving myself because Josh Harris or the Botkin sisters or Sarah Mally told me to.  I’m not wearing a purity ring is the “right thing to do” or because most of my Christian friends did it.

I’m doing it because I’ve been convicted by God.  I’m not going to settle for less than His best for me.  I’m not going to compromise.

More than that, I’m not going to sit around and wait for a guy to knock on my front door.  I don’t like the assumption that “waiting” looks like me in my late thirties, sitting by a window in a rocking chair and crocheting.

I have a life to live.  I have a calling.  God put me on this earth for a reason, and while marriage is a wonderful thing that I’m really looking forward to… it’s not my main goal in life.

My only desire is to glorify my Savior while I’m here – nothing less.  If writing novels glorifies Him, so be it.  If marrying a godly guy and having a few children with him glorifies God, so be it.

I’m not here to bring honor to myself.  All of my actions should be for Him and Him alone.  (I already encourage too much exultation of myself because of my wicked pride.)

I still think about my purity ring, even though it sometimes gets lost in the jumble of jewelry on my bedside table.  My ring was always too big, so I’d spin it around on my finger when I needed to fidget.

To be completely honest, that’s actually the main reason I took it off that last time – my finger always somehow got smaller during the winter, and I was afraid I’d lose it.  I was afraid I’d lose it at one of our orchestra’s five Christmas concerts, so I took it off.  Then I just never put it on again.  I thought about putting it back on a few times, and it made me think about why I was wearing it in the first place.  Coming to all of the above conclusions reaffirmed why I didn’t feel like I had to wear it.  It’s been seven months now and I sometimes move my thumb to spin it around before remembering it isn’t there anymore.

Taking off my purity ring wasn’t a huge deal.  It wasn’t an open rebellion of what I’d always held dear – actually the opposite.

Since I’ve taken off my ring, I can tell that my commitment has gotten more intimate – more precious, almost.  I haven’t felt the need to proclaim to the world my purity in a long time, or for more conservative girls to judge me while I’m casually talking with one of my guy friends (whose friendships I highly value).  My commitment is strictly between me and God, unless someone asks or the topic comes up.

It’s incredibly freeing and I’m so grateful.

Disclaimer: This is my personal decision and I’m not trying to encourage you to do the same.  If you’ve made a commitment to stay pure for your future spouse, I applaud you.  If you’ve decided to wear a ring to show that, I still applaud you.  Purity rings are a wonderful thing – they’re just not for me right now.  I may slip mine back on at some point in the future, but it probably won’t be any time soon.  Right now, I’m focusing on God more than my relationship with my future husband.  I’m focusing on not having any other gods before Him.  And, like Grace said in the post I linked to above, I’m focusing on learning that “having Him is everything, not a means to the life we think He would want us to have. … I already have Him, and He is everything.”

P.S. I mentioned legalism and unbiblical stereotypes earlier, but didn’t go into what I meant.  If you’d like to hear more, I have a ton of pent-up opinions I’d be more than happy to share with you guys.  (If you want them, that is.  That one would definitely be controversial, lol.)  Let me know in the comments!


53 thoughts on “why i took off my purity ring.

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  4. Eowyn, you’re exactly right. I thought I’d jump in with my tuppence, since I’m coming from the other perspective- that is, those who wear purity rings. A purity ring is a symbol of a contract, not vice versa, and that contract is between me and God- no one else. When I wear one, I am not placing a judgment on those who choose not to utilize that symbol; in fact, I hardly even notice whether people wear one or not. I think you understand that, Eowyn, but reading the comments, I’m sensing a bit of subconscious fear that “the other group” is judgmental, and I want to encourage you: that’s just not true in most Christian circles. Just like I don’t judge girls who decide wear their skirts shorter than I do, and those who wear floor-length skirts aren’t judging me, know that most true Christians don’t pass judgment you for not wearing an optional symbol of deep personal conviction on your finger.

    • I completely agree with the origin and the symbolism of the purity ring – just not the pressure to preform (or rather not lol) placed on it.

      While I do agree that most Christians don’t care what you wear, some do. Unfortunately, I’ve been around a lot of them, so I’m extremely wary. But I do have a lot of Christian friends who love me whether I wear skirts or a purity ring or long hair or not, and I love them a lot. 🙂

      • Exactly! I used to be hypersensitive about that, too, but I’ve realized that the legalism is the exception rather than the rule. Take the opinion of those who love you anyway, and don’t worry about those who might not. 🙂

  5. Sooooo…here I am with my thoughts. 🙂 I was pretty sure, reading the post title, that this would be another thing we’d disagree on (ARGH) but you presented some valid points – and in a really non-confrontational way – that made me think, although I believe your situation and mine are quite different.

    I have a purity ring, which my mom and dad gave me on my thirteenth birthday (each child, both boys and girls, gets one when they turn thirteen) and it’s never been a huge deal with me. There’s never been any pressure, partly because I didn’t do a big ceremony thing at our church, partly because our church is so small, and partly because I hardly ever have contact with guys my age. 😛 Plus, the ring isn’t just about promising to stay pure until marriage (in my family, at least) – it’s also about me promising to sincerely seek God’s will in any and all relationships with guys and it’s about my parents promising to pray for me and my future spouse (if I do end up getting married, that is). And I think that’s pretty cool.

    (I’m saving my first kiss for my wedding day, by the way.)

    The thing about guys mistaking my ring for an engagement ring doesn’t worry me because 1) I wear it on my middle finger and 2) it’s a simple silver band with no decoration. So, it doesn’t look like an engagement ring at all. (Thankfully – I really don’t like jewelry and if my ring had been fancy, I probably wouldn’t like it as much.) Your ring is beautiful, though, and I could see people getting mixed up.

    So, basically all I’m saying is that I know that wearing a purity ring isn’t my salvation and it isn’t some charm against sex before marriage (purity is a CHOICE, in my opinion) but I do like mine and I’ll keep wearing it. 🙂

    (Wow. This is one of the longest comments I’ve ever left on any blog.)


    • I thought the title sounded too “COME AND BASH ME BECAUSE I’VE STRAYED SO FAR!!!” so I tried to change it the night I posted it, but then WordPress didn’t work so I couldn’t and when it did I just decided to leave it. Sorry. 😛

      A ceremony? Wow, I’ve never heard of that! My parents would just give us ours along with our other birthday (or, in my case, Christmas) presents, and we knew what it symbolized by then, so it wasn’t a big deal. (Of course, not until the purity books I read and my Christian girlfriends made it so – YIKES.) That’s really great! And really cool. 🙂 (And I’m saving my first kiss for my wedding, day, too. 🙂 )

      Ahh, well, good for you. Mine’s a little different, so it was a concern of mine. XD Plus, I didn’t want guys to act differently around me if they thought I was engaged, so that factored into my reasoning for taking it off. (The promise still stands, though.) And thank you – I think it’s beautiful, too. 🙂

      Haha, “some charm against sex before marriage” – I just pictured flashing it at flirty guys like an anti-vampire garlic pouch. HA. XD But, yes, I totally agree. And I’m so glad you’ll keep wearing it and I really hope you don’t meet anyone who pressures you into thinking differently!!! (If so, just strike a defensive pose and hold it up between you and them. 😉 jk)

      (I know and I LOVE IT. ❤ )

  6. I’m afraid I have to jump on the “I’ve-never-worn-a-purity-ring” bandwagon here, because that’s the truth–I haven’t. I think it’s probably because I’m Roman Catholic, and Catholics in general are much more . . . I don’t know . . . relaxed? about the whole dating/relationships thing. Like, purity is still ENCOURAGED, but it’s done in a more low-key way, I’ve found. There’s a lot less social pressure, if that makes sense. Which is good, I think; because, like you said, sexual morality is something that’s first and foremost between me and God, not me and the entire community. It’s my job to do the right thing, and it’s not anyone else’s job to make me.

    Also–and I for one am REALLY grateful for this–it’s much more “equal” with the whole guy/girl thing; they don’t just emphasize girls’ purity while ignoring the other side. Because that’s not fair at ALL. Men and women have an equal responsibility to follow God’s rules for sexual relationships, just like for anything else.

    My best friend did give me a claddagh ring for a graduation present–which I’ve been wearing–but a claddagh ring is different because it’s not a sign of purity, it’s a sign of relationship status. (As in, there are special ways to wear it based on if you’re single, dating, engaged, or married.) I’ve really enjoyed having it, because it’s a kind of Encouraging Reminder that God (probably) has a guy out there somewhere that He wants me to meet 🙂 But it’s not something that anybody can “judge” me by, like you were talking about. Which is good–you don’t want to be looking at total strangers and making a judgment on their morals based on if they’re wearing a special ring or not.

    • Well, that’s fantastic. The pressure to stay pure can definitely turn you off it. AMEN. People care too much about what everybody else is doing. Since when is our faith determined by our works??? smh.

      YES. I’m so glad!!! I know that purity is emphasized on both sides, but it just feels like the Christian communities put more pressure on the girls – which isn’t fair to anybody. Oh cool! I’ve never heard of those – I’ll have to Google it. 🙂 Exactly! So true. 🙂

      • I don’t mean to sound like my church DOESN’T care about purity, of course–I guess I just meant, it’s more of a private thing, or something? I know my church community CARES about whether I do the right thing; but at the same time, I’ve never felt like everybody’s eyes are always on me to make sure I don’t mess up. I feel like they trust me to do the right thing, without badgering. Which I love. 🙂

        Also, their rules about dating and stuff are fairly simple. It’s basically, “be sensible; remember dating is a means to an end rather than an end in itself; and remember that marital relations are to be saved for after marriage, not before.” Like, we don’t even actually have a courtship v. dating debate, because everybody just dates, and that’s considered okay.

        You should look up some pictures, or something–they’re really beautiful!

        • That’s really good! I’m so happy for you! 🙂 I’ve felt really free in the last couple of months and it totally has to do with getting away from judgmental, legalistic people. 😀

          Truth! That’s fantastic! In some of the communities I’ve been in, dating is so looked down on. Understandably, but not everything has to look exactly like the world. It’s like they’re so eager to get away from the world that it’s not much better??? Ugh. So glad I’m out of that!!!

          I definitely will!

        • And I just looked up the ring and they’re SO PRETTY! A friend of mine had one of those, but she just called it a promise ring. Don’t you flip it over when you get married or engaged or something?

          • Yep, you flip it around if you get into a committed relationship with someone–and then when you get engaged, you move it to your left hand (along with the engagement ring, of course). But it’s not just about relationships–it also symbolizes friendship and loyalty; and since my best friend gave it to me, it reminds me of her, too! Plus it’s an Irish tradition, so THAT makes me happy too. Basically, it’s an “all-my-favorite-things-combined-in-one” ring 🙂

  7. Ahhh, I REALLY liked this post! I grew up in a conservative household, but we never did purity rings for some reason? I totally know what they are and all my friends wore them. But honestly even if my parents had been into it, I wouldn’t have wanted to wear one because I HATE things on my ands. XD Ahem. Anyway, that’s off topic.

    I totally think a ring shouldn’t define you or your standards. To me, it seems…nearly shallow I guess? And like you said, it gives room to judge. Like if someone dOESN’T wear a purity ring, it shouldn’t equal them not being a virgin. And plus those are standards for some people, but they aren’t going to keep you out of heaven anyway, so it can definitely get into legalism territory fast.

    I’m also hugely uncomfortable about the idea of promising things like this to your father? I honestly don’t believe in that kind of stuff. (I hope that’s not offensive, if you do!) I think a person’s life is between them and GOD. Promising stuff to your father, for me, equals the fact that you can’t make decisions for yourself. Because, as far as I know, I’ve never heard of boys promising purity to their fathers. So it’s pretty unbalanced. I’m very big on feminism and no longer conservative. SO YEAH. 😂 SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON ABOUT THIS. It made me think! Excellent article! I really like how you write, btw. 😀

    • Thank you!!! HAHA, saaaame. I never liked bracelets, really, and rings weren’t a huge favorite, either. (Except my purity ring, which I kept on because of obvious reasons.)

      It really shouldn’t! And AMEN. Your purity isn’t your salvation, so I have no idea why there’s such a HUGE EMPHASIS on it!!! I mean, it’s definitely important, but judgmental thoughts are even more so, and if we’re focusing on the wrong things… it can be bad.

      I totally understand. I just did it when I was twelve because it was the Thing To Do. And because of stuff in my parents’ pasts, it was important to him. Now we’ve both relaxed a lot, and he knows my heart enough that I’m shouldn’t have to go to that extreme anymore. (I think the idea of giving your father your heart or jurisdiction over your purity is just way too patriarchal. UGH!) EXACTLY. And the unfairness about the purity being emphasized in girls’ lives and not really guys is just WRONG. (I may have another post about modesty being too one-sided up my sleeve, too. I could rant about that ALL. DAY. LONG. XD) YES YES YES. Equal rights and responsibilities has been my mantra for the past few years. Don’t apologize – I looooove long rambly comments! Thank you so much!!! (Wow, that’s such a compliment because I love how you write, too!!!) ❤

  8. Thanks for writing this! Like Naomi, I’d never heard of the concept of purity rings before I started blogging either! I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (which is long for “I’m a Mormon!” 🙂 ) and purity rings aren’t a thing at all for us. Of course we believe in following God’s law of chastity but there’s not any outward symbol to “prove” you’re committed to following it. I’ve been kind of watching the purity culture debate from the sidelines and you articulated a lot of what I’ve been thinking. So I really appreciated this post. 🙂

    • Yay for Mormons! Y’all have the monopoly on clean YouTube entertainment (PianoGuys, Studio C, etc), and I LOVE IT. (I’m taking a course from BYU right now, actually.) Anyway. YES. I totally agree. The purity culture has been pounded over our heads too much. NO WONDER so many girls are giving it up – too many rules and standards!!!

      Thank you! 🙂

  9. I’ve never had a purity ring because my parents dislike legalisms of any sort, and honestly, I haven’t grown up with purity being pounded into my head as the be-all end-all of Christian life. I mean, I obviously believe in staying pure before marriage, but so many Christians nowadays seem to take it as the most important aspect of being a Christian. Does the Bible take it as the most important aspect ever? Sure, both the OT and the NT it forbid sexual immorality, but the main thing the gospel focuses on is spreading God’s kingdom in the world. I’m tired of countless Christian girl blogs talking only about purity and modesty and marriage like they’re the only things a Christian girl should focus on in her life. The most important thing in any Christian girl’s life is her calling in God’s kingdom, not how low her skirt hemline is or when she’s going to get married.
    Anyway. Sorry for this awkward rant. But it’s been bottled up in me for a while, so thank you for a chance to spill it out.

    • I hate that. Purity is great and should be aspired, but it’s not your salvation. When people start focusing more on the little details of the Christian life like that instead of the big ones, *that’s* when I have a problem. I totally agree about that, too! I’d love to hear more about careers and more of the “taboo” topics in conservative circles. (SINCE WHEN IS A GIRL HAVING A JOB A BAD THING???)

      Rants are great. I encourage ranting. : P And you’re welcome. 🙂

  10. Purity rings were never really a big thing that I noticed growing up- some people had ’em, some didn’t and I don’t think anyone cared much one way or the other! I actually do think it’s a nice sentiment to wear one of you want to, but it was never a big deal in my family. Plus, I love wearing lots of rings anyway, so its meaning probably would have been lost among all my other rings- wearing one wouldn’t have been any sort of “statement.”

    Interestingly, my family has often had the opposite problem than a lot of other people have commented, where we were judged and/or accused of being legalistic because there were things my family just didn’t do- sometimes not because it was a “sin” but because we just didn’t think it was wise. For that reason, I’m probably on the other end of the spectrum for the whole legalism issue, since I haven’t seen that abused as much in my own life as I have the opposite.

    • The more people that comment stuff like this makes me think it may just be in my circles… *covers face with hands* SO CONSERVATIVE. XD I’m so glad it wasn’t a big deal for you guys, though. 🙂

      Interesting! I’d love to hear more about that…

  11. I knew people who had purity rings growing up but my parents never jumped on that bandwagon I guess so I never had one. I never really even though about it until I was older. I’m not sure really what my opinions are on them now but at this point I kind of feel that if I need one to remind me to stay pure I probably have bigger issues.
    Now that I’m older the whole “not dating” thing seems to have changed slightly for me as well. My parents were always fairly into the idea of courtship but they seem to have loosened up on that recently. Ah legalism. 😦 Thankfully my parents never really jumped on that bandwagon either.

    • HA. SO true. 🙂

      Exactly. Legalism… ugh. I’m still all for my parents being involved in my relationships with guys, but not to the point where I’M no longer involved initially (which is the extreme that I’ve, unfortunately, seen).

  12. I’m not sure why I thought I’d have to defend my decision to wear a purity ring when I read the title. I’ve read enough of your post to know better. Actually, if I felt the pressure like you did about it, I probably would have taken mine off too!

    Purity rings were never that big of a deal in our church. Some people wore them, and some didn’t. It’s always been more of a personal decision. Mom said she wanted to get them for us girls, but only if we wanted them. For me, it’s a reminder of my personal commitment, not a status symbol.

    I’m most annoyed when old ladies (particularly strangers) tell me I should not be wearing it on my left hand. It’s my personal decision to wear it there, not a stranger’s decision. Ugh! A ring on my left hand is not going to fool guys I actually know, and since I’m not dating random guys I don’t actually know, it’s not a problem. Plus I still get hit on by strange guys…..so I’m really not seeing the issue….

    I think it would be really sweet during the exchange of rings on the wedding day to take the purity ring off and replace it with the wedding ring. But I’m really not into wedding planning BEFORE I meet “the one” and actually gave a friend a hard time for that the other week. I’ll have to work out the details with “the one” so it is OUR decision. 🙂

    • *enough of your posts (plural). As in, many posts on this blog. I seriously admire how they are both critically thoughtful and non-judgmental.

      • Thank you! I really appreciate that, esp since I was totally worried about coming across as too strong or judgmental last night. 😛

    • Haha, yeah, I thought the title would make people come out of the woodwork to bash me so I tried to change it but WordPress wasn’t working so I just went to bed, come what may. XD Thank you, though. There was too much pressure. :/

      My situation is basically the same, so I’m really glad. 🙂 (And I wore it for six years mainly as a reminder before taking it off, so I totally agree!)

      YES! Mine just didn’t fit on my right ring finger, so I couldn’t use that option. XD

      I totally agree – an exchange of rings would be really sweet! Or, like, exchanging them when you put your engagement ring on. 🙂 Good idea!

  13. I don’t wear mine regularly for several reasons. A big one is I got out of the habit while working in the food industry for 4 years – we were only allowed to wear a wedding set (and I’m not married, sooooo). Also, I was asked a few times on trips if I was engaged (my ring has a pearl with pink sapphires on either side.) After the second or third time, I’ve switched to wearing my ring on the right hand, whenever I do wear it. Which isn’t that often now.

    All that to say, to each his own. If you want to wear a purity ring, go ahead. If not, OK. What matters in the end is the heart and mindset. I’ve known girls who don’t wear them and have great personal standards, and I’ve known girls who do wear rings and would flirt away.
    Just do you, girl!! 🙂 ❤

    • Thank you so much for all of that. 🙂 I’m so grateful that I’ve realized what you said at the end – it doesn’t really matter on the outside. I don’t need to prove anything. (I know people who thought I was a flirt, even in my peak skirt-wearing, purity-ring-addicted phase. Can’t please everyone!)

      Love you! ❤

  14. I’ve never had a purity ring… mainly because – I’d never heard of it! In fact, I learnt about it through blogging, haha! 😀 (I literally don’t know anyone in Belgium or England who has one. :-/ I do love the idea of the ring, though.) I do intend to keep myself pure for marriage, because, as you said, it is what I believe God wants. 🙂

    It’s the promise and the serving that counts, I suppose – not the ring!

    • Interesting! They must not have them where you live, I guess??? I love the idea behind it – LOVE – but I think it just got carried too far and there was too much emphasis put on it by the homeschooling, conservative Christian community. And it was hard for me to let go of that and STILL BELIEVE I’M PURE (which just shows how terrible it was, HA!), but it happened and I’m very happy. 🙂 It really is. I don’t need a ring to prove anything, and knowing that in itself is really freeing. 🙂

  15. Wow. I really enjoyed this post! So much good truth here, Ashley. 🙂

    You know… I never really saw the point in wearing a purity ring. My parents gave me one when I turned 16, but I’m 25 and I haven’t worn it for about 6 years now. The ring itself honestly wasn’t that big of a deal for me even when they gave it to me, but I wore it– for no other reason except that my parents wanted me to wear it. My mom made such a big deal of it to the point that it was almost like she was telling me that I wasn’t pure, or that I was going to make people think I wasn’t pure, if I wasn’t wearing that ring. I finally decided that I didn’t want to have my purity (or lack of which?) determined by others based on whether or not I was wearing a certain ring on a certain finger! So I took it off and put it away in my jewelry box and haven’t worn it since.

    Oh, and I would love to hear more about those pent-up opinions you mentioned. 😉 Controversial doesn’t bother me… I have a feeling I’d likely agree with you. 😉

    • Thank you!

      I’ve known both sides of the spectrum – people who think YOU’RE NOT PURE IF YOU DON’T HAVE ONE and people who are just “meh.” While I certainly think honoring your parents by wearing it is great, shaming you into doing it is *not*. THANK YOU – YES THAT’S EXACTLY IT. Your purity/worth/value/ALL OF THAT is based on what GOD says about you, not what others think or what you do to prove it! Wow that’s so great and I’m SO happy for you.

      HAHA. Alrighty. 🙂

      It doesn’t really bother me, either. I love having meaningful conversations, but when it feels like everyone is bashing me – that’s when I pull out. XD We’ll see!

      Thanks for commenting!!!

  16. Good for you, girl, good for you!

    And yes I know ALLL about purity rings. XD Totally a thing in the circles I used to run in, that era of my life of “YOU CAN’T WATCH HARRY POTTER” and stuff. I never actually got a purity ring; my dad didn’t make the effort until I was older, like, EIGHTEEN, and by then I just didn’t like wearing jewelry of any kind. So the “purity ring” I was given went into a jewelry box and I don’t think I wore it once.
    But I KNOW WHERE YOU’RE COMING FROM WITH THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP ASPECT AND JUDGEMENT. The circles I came from where definitely toxic with judgmental thinking, which I know both because I was judgmental of outsiders, and was judged by insiders for different reasons myself. And my view on dating is shifting drastically and I’m still putting all the pieces together.
    But I LOVE your angle of not clinging to a “legalistic” token like a “purity ring” to prove you’re pure! That’s wonderful!! In many ways, to me personally, I see not doing those things as following the verse about praying in the quiet of your home instead of loudly in the streets where you’d get attention. I don’t judge anyone who do practice certain things like purity rings and skirts-only ect ect, but I’ve learned that a lot of that can just be lip service or from works based thinking. Because you’re right, I know the similiar feeling of more intimacy and preciousness when it’s something that’s just between you and God, and not necessarily something to be shown off. ❤ I don't know if I'm making sense right now, but I think you get my gist. 😉

    • *dances* Thank you!!!

      HAHA YESSSS. Those two go hand-in-hand, it seems. XD

      Ugh I hate that you were there too but I’m so glad you understand. It’s so hard to escape that judgmental mindset, esp when you’ve grown up with it.

      Like I said in a comment earlier, I *may* be so anxious to get rid of the legalism that I’m swinging the other way, BUT this feels REALLY GOOD and actually really freeing, so it’s pretty amazing. YES YES YES, EXACTLY!!! I’ve come from an unintentional works-based mindset, and it felt so wrong – and now I don’t judge people like that, I still love them, but I do feel sorry for them. (Not pridefully sorry but just… sorry.) I totally get your gist and my reply was probably just as confusing. XD

      THANK YOU! That seriously means so much to me. I was so worried this would be controversial, lol! ❤

  17. I enjoyed reading this! Interesting thoughts.

    Yes, I would love to see what you have to say on legalism and unbiblical standards. In fact, that’s something that’s rather close to me right now, as I’m pulling away from those things which were imposed upon me, even into my adult life, with no room for choice – again, into my *adult* life. I’m sure if/when you do post that, you’ll be seeing a discussion-continuing comment with my name attached! (Not one to be gossipy or whiny, just to continue discussion. Of course. 😉)

    • Thank you! I totally get you about the legalism thing – that’s exactly where I am right now, too. (But I kinda feel like I’m too anxious to get rid of it that I’m swinging the other way, though, so it might be a while before I feel comfortable enough in where I am to write. We’ll see.) Thank you so much for your comment and thank you for following my blog!

      • I’ve actually been following you for quite some time now, though I haven’t actually been on blogger since at least September, and before that I’m not sure whether I actually made my presence known on your blog or not haha

        I hate to see just how many people are trapped in this legalistic, judgmental mindset. I really don’t understand it. I was raised the same way and it just doesn’t make sense to me. How is that at all showing love or emulating Christ to others? Not only that, but it seems to me that nearly everyone (not absolutely everyone, but most) with this mindset are extremely hypocritical. No, you can wear pants, but tight or short skirts are okay. No, you can’t read/watch Harry Potter, but Narnia is excellent! You even mentioned it a bit, how wearing a purity ring somehow robs a guy of his masculinity, yet a wedding ring is absolutely required or you aren’t being faithful to your wife. What? No wonder our young people are lost and straying. (That said, I’m a “young people” myself, being only twenty-one.)

        I was never one to judge others, and I never caught on to or believed just how legalistic and judgmental those around me were until I got older and still wasn’t allowed to make any decisions of my own and started seeing what was actually going on as my eyes and mind grew more mature. I was nineteen and not allowed to get a job or move out or even choose what standards to hold to. Before I reached, say, fifteen, I just followed what my parents said and more or less kept my own convictions or opinions to myself, because at that point I was still I child and therefore am commanded to obey my parents. But from that point on, obey began to switch to honor and I was still held to blindly obeying. I was never given reason behind things, just “I told you so”. I was becoming a young adult, and I had more reason behind my convictions than my parents would put forth!

        I’m not saying all of this to disrespect or speak bad of those who raised me. Obviously they were good enough to raise me to respect others and fear God and all that comes with that. I’m only stating the facts of the situation. And the more I see of it as I get older looking back and at how they’re raising my younger siblings (I being the eldest of five), and as I look at other families raising their children the same way, the more I’m turned off by the hypocrisy shown and the way that the children are expected to simply blindly follow – until mom and dad decide “Well, we’re actually not gonna hold to that anymore.” for whatever reason, if any. I see more and more all of the many reasons a child has to rebel against everything they were taught – including Christianity itself – when they’re held so tightly and never given a chance to use their own mind. I realize a parent must be careful, but parents also need to realize that being *too* careful is never a good thing – it will only bring the very opposite of what they’re intending. That new cliché, that strict parents raise the sneakiest kids, is very true. I know first-hand, in my own life and the life of my friends and siblings and their friends and their siblings, etc. And I didn’t even want to do anything terrible, only save money for my future, or get online to write.

        Even when I did move out and got a job and my own place, now as I’m planning to be married by the end of this year, and even as my parents drop just about every one of their standards with my younger siblings, I’m still feeling the great pressure of those standards and opinions being imposed upon me just as much as when I was five. In reality, more so, because I’m so much more aware of them now.

        Oh wow, I’m so sorry, I hope you don’t mind the book that I’m writing. Perhaps I should think on writing a post of my own on the subject! Like I said, this is a *very* close subject for me, and still a current one in my life. I also entirely *adore* discussion of this sort on any subject.

        • Well thank you for commenting! I love it when people pipe up and say that they’ve been following for a while. 🙂

          I know, and I hate it for them and for my younger self. The balance between doing stuff for God out of conviction and works is SO thin – and I think the motivation behind our actions is key. (And often where I struggle, tbh.) I totally agree with the hypocritical thing. I KNOW! It doesn’t make sense!!! (Haha, it’s okay. I lump us all in the young people group. And I’m 21, too!) That’s what’s happened to me over the past few years – independence and making decisions for myself is so hard but it’s so freeing when you back up and reevaluate everything. Your convictions really have to become your own at this point, and I think everything I’ve blogged about (and haven’t, lol) reflects that. And that switch between obeying and honoring your parents is SO HARD!!! That’s where I am right now – trying to maintain my identity and figure out what my standards look like while still trying to respect my parents.

          I see it, too, and it’s pretty shocking to see the parents expect their kids to blindly follow. My parents have gotten SO much better about this, but some of my friends’ parents haven’t, and that’s hard. And that “too” careful thing relates to what my dad says a lot – he wants to keep us from making the mistakes he made without pendulum-swinging the other way. (Which is why we swung into legalism for a while.) My parents weren’t insanely strict when we were growing up, and I think that’s why none of us “rebelled” or “lost our faith” or anything. Stricter parents I know have, and their kids don’t turn out so well sometimes. I totally agree – even “nothing terrible” sounds like rebellion to strict parents. “YOU WANT TO GET A JOB?!?! What will you do with the money – REBEL AND MOVE OUT AND DISHONOR US???” *facepalm*

          Good. For. You!!! I’m so happy for you! But I totally understand – the standards and legalism and stuff really scars you, doesn’t it? Warps your perspective a little. Even though I’m letting go of a few things i grew up with, it’s hard not to feel guilty. (Hence, this blog post, lol.)

          I don’t mind at all! I LOVE it when people leave long comments. If you write a blog post about it, send me the link – I’d love to read it! It’s also relevant to where I am now – and I love discussions like this, too!

  18. I’ve never had or wanted a purity ring, mainly because I don’t like jewelry period (long story, not gonna tell it). I guess it sort of is a tough subject because it is a visible symbol like a wedding ring, but I absolutely don’t think wearing a purity ring necessary to be pure, to devoting yourself to purity, or to showing people that you’re pure. Honestly, I think the way you act and dress (modesty-wise) does a lot more to show your purity than a ring on your finger. You can wear a purity ring and still act and dress like a flirt or worse, just as you can not wear a purity ring and still be actively remaining pure.

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