i’m grateful for you.

once i was seven years old, my mama told me
“go make yourself some friends or you’ll be lonely”

The last year has been really stressful for me, for multiple reasons.  I’ve had to go through so many hard things, especially in the last few months, and it’s been crazy.  (Plus the added stress of school and my self-imposed deadline that I WILL STICK TO EVEN IF IT KILLS ME.)

A lot of the things I’ve gone through have had to do with relationships with friends and family members.  And it’s weird because I never really thought about boundaries in relationships, but I’ve recently had to.  I’m such a trusting person and always want to think the best of people – which sounds great, but I get hurt sometimes, and it doesn’t feel good.  In the last year, I’ve had to put boundaries on friendships that I thought I’d have for the rest of my life.  More than that, I’ve had to deal with people shutting me out and cutting me off.  And that hurts the most.

To say the least, I haven’t been a very pleasant person over the past year.  Especially since the beginning of this year, I’ve gone through a lot that’s made me cynical and stuff.  It’s hard because I’m usually insanely optimistic, but when things happen that I can’t stop or that hurt me, I end up hurting others because of my pain.  And, sadly, I’ve lost some friendships because of that.  (Or they’ve changed or whatever because of my actions.)

All that said, I’ve recently had my eyes open to how blessed I am.  Even though I haven’t been my best self for a while, people are still friends with me.  It kind of blows my mind, especially since some friendships totally ended last year after I didn’t really do anything wrong.  But to know that I still have friends and family members who love me even when I’m cynical and pessimistic and a super unpleasant person to be around?  It’s crazy.

Even though I’ve lost friends and relationships have changed over the past year, I’ve realized who my real friends are – the people who put up with my witty, hilarious self AND the people who put up with my crap.  And I love them even more.  I’m so blessed to know so many amazing people – people who encourage me and let me vent to them and email or text me just to ask how I’m doing, even when I forget to do the same for them.

I’ve been trying to write this post for the past few days, and I can’t really figure out what to say except… thank you.  Thank you to all of my friends who have stuck with me though the last year, and all of my wonderful followers who leave comments that make me smile and read my blog even when I’m not posting anything – you don’t know how much you mean to me.  You inspire me to be a better person and that “there’s still some good in this world … and it’s worth fighting for.”

I love each and every one of you and I’m so blessed to know you and grateful that you’re in my life.  ❤

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14 thoughts on “i’m grateful for you.

  1. Hey Ashley!
    Thank you for being so honest with us….hang in there dear.
    This post was different, but (as always) really good. I related to what you said about friendships changing, ending up hurt, ect.
    <3Clare

    • Thank you. 🙂 I should probably add something about not wanting to *not* go through it because it’s changed me into a better person. Oh well. Next post. 🙂

  2. Ashley, I’m really sorry to know you’ve been having such a tough year. But don’t give up! You’ll make it through, I promise 🙂 I love reading your blog, and I’m so glad you’re here! Your posts always make me feel happier. And I love having somebody I can talk to about movies and fictional characters and stuff 🙂

      • That’s important, to have a happy place 🙂

        Hey, did you know you got me hooked on Twenty One Pilots? THANKS.

        (I really mean that. I LOVE THEM.)

        • It really is. 🙂

          YOU’RE WELCOME. They’re SO AMAZING! I’ve slowly become even more obsessed with them over the past month – listening to their unreleased albums and songs, etc. 😛 Regional at Best is their most explicitly Christian album, if you’re interested in it – it’s probably my favorite (it’s only on YouTube, though). What’s your favorite album/song?

          • What’s my favorite song? GOSH. I was trying to figure that out yesterday, and it was really hard because they’re ALL so good . . . But I think, so far at least, my top two favorites are “Not Today” and “We Don’t Believe What’s On TV.”

            (The latter one actually made me almost cry when I heard it the first time–and that’s something that DOES NOT HAPPEN with me.)

            But yeah . . . I just love them all 🙂

            • I KNOW. Oh my gosh, ALL of their songs make me cry. Especially the ones in Vessel and Regional at Best. I’ve cried so hard to Holding Onto You, it’s not even funny.

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