living in fear // taking risks {rambling thoughts}

{This is a post I wrote a few days ago because it was weighing on my mind.  I’ve hesitated to post it because I don’t know if it makes any sense, but I feel like I should just do it.  Sorry if it doesn’t make sense, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about – and God knows my thoughts don’t often make sense, haha.  I put a song at the bottom that basically sums up some of the thoughts I’ve had.  Sleeping at Last again because I can’t stop listening to his music.}

Something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is the fact that a lot of Christians (myself included) seem to live in fear.

We’re worried that we’ll do something wrong, fall into wrong doctrine, or intake something that can be detrimental to our spiritual health.  We’re afraid of anything that looks even remotely dangerous.

We’re afraid to sin, we’re afraid to anger or sadden God, and, most of all, we’re afraid to make mistakes.  We can’t just act – we have to stop and think and pray before we do anything.

I’m not saying that praying and thinking aren’t good things. Obviously, we need to think before we act.  We’d be idiots (and dare I say puppets) if we didn’t.

But what happens when we overthink?  What happens when we wait for an answer too long, making up excuses to stay in our comfort zones?

I’ll tell you.

We sink into the monotony of our daily lives, not doing anything out of the ordinary, lest we do something wrong.  And, before we know it, we realize we’re getting older and we haven’t done anything with our lives.

How do I know that it’s true?  Because I’ve lived it.

I’m saying all of this because, honestly, it’s something I’ve been struggling with.  I’m scared of doing something wrong and, thus, angering God with my sin.

But… isn’t that why we were given free will?  In order for us to be able to make mistakes so we’ll grow?

Can’t God work through our mistakes?  Can’t He shape us through them?

Why don’t we feel like we have the freedom to live the best we can?  Praying along the way, but living fearlessly, taking risks, and learning as much as we can while we’re here?

I’ve been thinking about risks lately.  Taking risks with my life, with my future, and with my plans.  Stepping into the great unknown that is my future based solely on desires I have.

But if I have the desire to do it, is it really a risk?  Or is it a desire that God has instilled into me, waiting for me to take the leap and just do something?

Because God designed me, I believe that I was originally made with nothing inside of me that He didn’t want there.  Things like the desire for a husband and the desire to craft words into something beautiful and impacting.  (Obviously, there are other things – bad things – that I’ve put there, and that’s my fault and I have to work through them.)

So, if I’ve got a desire to do something – for instance, a longing to live a beautiful and extraordinary life that blesses others and gives glory to God – then isn’t it right?  Isn’t it God’s will for my life?  Can’t He trust me with these desires that I have – trusting me to leave my comfort zone – and bless my life through it?

When I think about the future, it’s a little scary.  Every day, every hour, every minute that comes is a moment that I haven’t lived yet.  And that really freaks me out because sometimes I honestly just don’t know if I’m doing the right thing with my life.  Is writing what I’m really supposed to do?  Or am I supposed to pursue one of my other loves?

I’m about to turn twenty-one (in a month – wut), and with that comes this huge daunting feeling of responsibility and the weight that comes with knowing that I need to have my life figured out.  And I do have some plans, but nothing is set in stone.  (I’ve found over the past few years that my life can change in an instant.  Too often, the plans I’ve made for myself have been set aside and I’ve had to travel into uncharted waters.)

But along with that awful, daunting sense of uncertainty, there’s also been a huge feeling of peace constantly surrounding me.  The feeling that I’m right where God wants me to be, so I shouldn’t be afraid.

And it’s what keeps me sane.

fear ties knots and pulls them tight.
it leaves us paralyzed.
but in the end such tired words will rest.
the truth will reroute the narrow things they’ve said.

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2 thoughts on “living in fear // taking risks {rambling thoughts}

  1. Thanks for sharing! Honestly, fear is something that I struggle with myself. It’s easy for me to get anxious about the future and wonder if I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, defining my dreams and purpose, and wondering what will happen if God has something different in mind. Titus 3:1-8 really has encouraged me lately. We’re to be ‘ready for every good work’…this is ‘excellent and profitable for people’. (I love how it says *for people* bc I think we forget that good works are good for *us*) This is enough purpose for our life, and I find when I focus on this, it removes fear of what the day will bring. I try to remember that planning can be broken down into the small, right choice each day. ~Haley (And I’m not sure if this is clear either…sorry for the length lol! 😉 )

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